I didn’t go to my reunion. At the end of it all, I got all stressed out over nothing really. I could have gone naked and at least one person would have been happy to see me, but you learn that after the fact.
I spent the weekend hacking away at notes on how I felt and eventually I’ll put it together and publish it. Maybe not. I think really I just wrote to get the anger and frustration out of my system, which was always the framework for my writing when I was younger.
I’m glad I’m leaving for a few days. It’s something that always seems to come up when I need it most, right about now being no exception.
When do we stop getting polite and start getting real? Scratch that. When do we stay polite yet be real and all that? I truly wish I could have done the moderator training above because you know, some of my best friends are not necessarily “democrats” and somehow we agree to disagree and still be friends. It's true, when you wag more and bark less, you discover the most interesting people.
I should be working on my main blog. It seems that my current layout doesn’t want to play nice with my spam protection. It’s a project for tomorrow. I don’t want to fiddle with code at the moment.
Each day I live I seem to learn something new. I have these experience and friends still to this day show me what I cannot see for myself.
For example, today I needed to be in Bremerton. I fretted the whole morning and rethought through the whole process to get to Bremerton almost to the point of stating that I wasn’t going to go. Had I chosen to not go, I would have missed out on an awesome opportunity to gain insight and really learn. That would have been not so good.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not truly past the mental anguish that I suffered for a while. Because I was told for so long that I was simply worth nothing I started believing in it.
So much to do tomorrow so I’m done here. Doing alright I am, pain sucks but you know, I’m keeping it manageable and that’s perhaps the most important right there.
It’s been a week since Auntie Eleanor passed away. Slowly it is sinking in that I just can’t call her or go spend time with her. I would spend the afternoon with her, poring over pictures and movies and listening to stories of when I was little. If anything, I am grateful for that time where she was cackling in laughter over all sorts of stuff.
I’m trying a new blog app called Blogsy. So far it seems to do what I need and more. Amen. The whole shift of trying to get the hannie pad to work fearlessly with my blog platform was frustrating at times.
In other news…I’m trying to get my day scheduled so that I remember to do the daily stuff daily. No one said getting old was necessarily easy. I’ve been in this incredible funk for the last week or so. It’s time to pick up and get back on track, or at least my doctor told me this yesterday while I was visiting. Tomorrow is the sleep study test results. I’m not thrilled about this, but I need to get it done to either rule it out or in or something along that line.
This week includes getting housework done, trying my hand at origami again, attempting the crochet of a coffee cup warmer…all sorts of fun stuff like that. Peace out.
I’ve gotten too angry, too frustrated…over little stuff that I shouldn’t. Sometimes I find that the best thing for me in cases such as these are to take a vacation of sorts from the world. It’s my “moment of zen” where I reflect and rejuvenate. Here’s some of what really has made my blood boil this week though.
I wrote before about friends of mine, those who I held in the highest of regards in my world and how they decided to break off our friendship. It was a difference of opinion politically, or perhaps it was that in just being myself, it offended them somehow. My heart still to this day aches about these things. We’ve disagreed before and it’s not driven a wedge between us, but they chose now to break that off.
One person in particular who took time to write me a “FUCK OFF AND DIE” letter, well, I’ve seen her comments to other mutual friends here and there on Facebook. After reading, I can say I’m actually sorta glad she did me that way. I’m not sure that I’d want to be her friend at this point in my life because I believe (after reading) that she has a ton of personal growth ahead of her. Personal growth is good for everyone, myself included. I wish her the best of luck with that and really, don’t call me, I’ll call you.
The other person, well, we were like family at one time. That’s the sort of friendship we had. Sure, time and circumstances can change things, but bonds like that are important to me. This friendship I suppose I mourn just a bit more because friends of mine hurt him, which in turn hurt me and I stopped writing. Oh you bet, I flat out stopped writing because I could not understand why people had to be so mean and hurtful on a personal level. Wait, yes, I have been guilty of that. In admitting that, I’ll also tell you that I was schooled hardcore on how hateful words really can be and without knowing person they’re directed to, I could have missed out on one of the coolest people I know.
I have a plan for making all that up, using the power of my blog. I falter right now because I’m too angry to write and I don’t want my words to be miscontrued. When I write this entry, I want it to be just like my friend is, in that no matter the weather, he bounces back like teflon. That’s how we would have rolled in our youth and I’m so happy he holds to that theory today.