When it rains, it truly pours sometimes. Just like the sheets of rain pouring down on me returning from the doctor's office. Yes, I said doctor's office.
I've decided that it's pretty much pointless to visit a doctor when it comes to my health or my sanity or anywhere in between. Bad things have been happening to me, things that scare me and do you know, my doctor, my new doctor never took a moment to even examine me. Wait no, I take that back.
I actually lifted up my shirt and he felt along my long train track scar and around my abdominal area and said “oh no” repeatedly. I'm used to this. Then he says that all of my medical records state that I have no abdominal wall or muscles left at this point. Yes, that's correct sir and that's why I look the way I do. Then I educated him on how bariatric doctors here in Washington state would be happy to talk to me, but would not do any sort of surgery on me.
I apologized for being such a difficult patient. I mean, he's got only part of the whole medical disaster called me. My abdomen area scares him? I also asked to have labs drawn. Hey doctor, get this…when you see my ferretin level you'll faint on the spot.
All I can do is drink and reflect and pray that I'm alive to do everything I was meant to do and see everything I was meant to see and experience lots of cool stuff. That's about what I'm good for right about now.
The doctor asked me today if I had gone to a pain management clinic. Sure I have. I went to the one at UW where instead of providing pain relief to me via “better living through chemistry” it was mental. Mental in that when you know the pain is coming and it's intense you choose to do something that takes your mind away from pain at hand. For me, coding. music. writing. These are things that keep me feeling sane somehow.
So tomorrow I go and get labs drawn and pray that things are okay. I'm really in my groove despite my crappy situation and I'm determined to not let this get the best of me. Determined.
And that my friends is the basis for my new tattoo.