hannie’s spot. all hannie.

but did you really expect it? July 26, 2010

I remember long ago, being a fresh post op and listening to these women just being, in my opinion, catty bitches. They were carrying on about how all these people paid attention to them now and OMFG this is a life shattering event. It was deeply traumatizing to them that anyone looked at them with any sort of interest. At the time, I thought they were nuts. After this weekend, I start to understand their thing much better.

I don’t think/feel I was anything much to write home about looks-wise through my entire school career. I was me, indeed, but I never thought I caught much of anyone’s eye. Far as I was concerned, I existed to no one in a potentially romantic way.

I’m at this show the other night and I’m with the love of my life. I’m good, he’s good and you know, I would not change him for anything. All these other men start striking up conversation with me and I’m like, “Hmm, I have to be a freak show magnet”. A couple guys later and I’m like, “You know, maybe I’m taking this too personally but you know, you would not have given me a second look twenty years ago so no, your credibility as a human is potentially shot to hell”. I have to say, right now that there is NOTHING that beats that love of your life catching your eye during a reunion show of a band we both loved as kids…and his eyes are sparkling and your heart just melts in happiness. Your best friend is right there.

Now what I’m saying. Sometimes the psychological self image issues you think are total horsecrap at first just might come true for you as well but later on down the road. Never take anything for granted. Just don’t.

an aside here: The first boyfriend which is the last boyfriend whom I referenced above…thinks I’m beautiful inside and out. I don’t think that’s changed much for him over the years, but the frustration level was rather high at times. For that, I surely apologize. Life is way too short to be frustrated with one another for any period of time. hah!