hannie’s spot. all hannie.

I was watching either MTV or VH-1, and they had this ad on for weight loss surgery. Of course, I perk up like the rabid dog Cujo, waiting for yet another rant to come on about how they commercialize weight loss surgery and make it sound as if it’s the perfect solution besides pills to lose weight rah rah. If you’ve ever spent any amount of time with me, watched what I ate, saw how many times I ran to the bathroom, sat with me while I’ve dry heaved and the pain rips through my lack of abdomen so sharp that tears stream down my face and I can’t hold it back no matter how hard I try, or held my hand or kept me company as I stayed up all night because I had this incredibly sharp pain that pretty much no amount of medication could quell for me to catch any sleep….then you know that I am not the perfect advocate for weight loss surgery of any sort. If you’re a surgeon who has had the presence to hold conversation with me, or to be the one who has had to place faith and miracle in a place high up in the sky and believe in it as you saved me, then you’d know as well. So it is interesting that I write about this new little thing, and actually have a “clap clap” but a few qualms about it as well.

It is a lap band surgery, and it’s called Restore Band. However, it’s not just drop by, open you up, slap a band in you and you lose the weight, and have a good day. It’s designed with people like me in mind, the busy geek crowd. And why didn’t these people have this sort of thing around say, at least eight years ago? I liken it to all the cool baby gadgets there were when my son was little, and now that he’s 21, there’s even cooler and more improved upon baby gadgets that really help parents with their little ones and why the hell didn’t they come up with that say, right around 20 years ago? But it’s cool that they have them now, absolutely.

Here’s the general idea. You go to the website, and they explain it to you, in plain English, about how insurance works when it comes to bariatric surgery of any type. Many bariatric sites won’t give you that, or they didn’t used to. You got that little “insurance surprise” when you showed up. Another thing to point out, had my original gastric bypass been billable, the surgery itself…surgery would have been around $28,000. We’re not talking hospital time, supplies and stuff, that, we’re talking surgery itself. No anesthesia thrown into that, surgery itself. That gastric bypass had it been actual billable would have cost more than the open gallbladder removal surgery which I want to say was around $16,000. That trip for the gallbladder was on an emergency basis too. I drove myself into the hospital best I could after my dear surgery sister friend begged me to get to the ER and that she would be there waiting for me. She was there waiting as I was crying horrible tears, and held my hand and allowed me to squeeze as hard as I needed to try and not focus on the pain (I about broke her hand, but she still loves me, and I thank her for this kindness because you know what, my husband couldn’t care and wouldn’t arrive even though it was an indeed emergency situation).

And hey, you can take a ‘quiz’ of sorts to see if you really truly qualify. I took my old information because believe me, even though yes, with current stats, I could still qualify according to their test, and I have known people who have had bands placed over their RNY, it just didn’t work out well at all. I haven’t heard a positive case about that at all. If I’m wrong about this, please drop comment because you’d be the first. But yes, took old information, and everyone get ready to drop jaw and look what I would have been looking at.

Right now, I weigh 231. So I’ve done fairly good weight wise according to these here statistics. But no, even current surgery is starting to fail. And yes, I get to grace the hospital floors once again, drop the news, and develop another game plan. No wait, there is no other game plan. I’m out of options. And that’s okay because you know what? It just won’t look cosmetically cool, and it’ll still hurt, and I still will have those good and bad days digestive wise, and friends and family will understand and know that every option was exercised to me and I live how I do and they still love me regardless.

Let’s go forth and understand bariatric surgery a little more courtesy of this website, because they do explain things that most bariatric doctors won’t explain until you sit in a seminar, and I have sat through a few seminars and these things go right over most of the crowd. All they see is glorious weight loss and a salvation to a new life, but don’t hear the part about “um, hi, this is SURGERY and it could have some complications here”. I think sometimes you can reach a bigger crowd if you show pictures and point it right out in reading material as opposed to just saying it. I’ve sat in the shoes of someone who has been morbidly obese and didn’t think hey, crap could go wrong here. I’m getting a promise of improved health, and that’s good enough by me. I want to see and do and be and be here for my kids, and yea, you know, I could die either way, with or without surgery. Complications, oh crap, I don’t need to hear about that. I am a walking medical complication. Well, I was before, and I pretty much am now as well. But do you see where I am going with my train of thought? I’m telling you that your expectations are set to perfect life and you sometimes slide past the, um, it’s not always that case. You don’t want to hear about the thorns in with that dozen roses, you don’t. But in cases, such as mine, those thorns show up, and they show up enmasse.

There’s a couple cool other points that this site bring up that I’d like to speak to. One is the idea, thought that with weight loss you’re going to have gallstone issues. Entirely true. I had my gallbladder removed two months before my actual weight loss surgery, so this wasn’t an issue for me. But here’s the thing, it was an emergency case, as I had compacted gallstones that were rendering my gallbladder useless and causing intense pain and darn near killing me. See how being morbidly obese is ahem, no joke? Some bariatric surgeons will just go ahead and remove your gallbladder for you. Personally, I prefer that route because you know, I’m not a big fan of spending any more time in the OR as an inpatient post surgically. But some bariatric surgeons leave the gallbladder in, and you take meds to counteract the gallstones. It depends on who you’re talking to and what you’re having done and it’s a good question to throw to any bariatric surgeon if they have not covered that already. I’ve seen some surgeons who now remove the stomach when performing RNY surgeries. (My stomach is still in me, it just sort of floats around and does nothing except cause me hell from time to time). When you’re at the seminar, or talking to your surgeon, you ask exactly what the game plan is going to be. Sure, it sounds gross and disgusting and all, but you need to know what coming in, what’s going out, and what should happen afterwards. I will offer you a helpful hint of advice right here right now. After having your gallbladder removed, DO NOT take it upon yourself to think you can eat anything under the sun and be fine. I went to a Mexican restaurant perhaps three weeks after my gallbladder was removed and had cheese enchiladas. No wait, I had about two bites of cheese enchilada. The rest of the family enjoyed dinner together. I stayed in the bathroom the whole time with occasional knocks on the door asking if I was okay. Never say I didn’t give you helpful advice.

I like how the site says “ooh and be sure to check for that designated center of excellence when shuffling around for a bariatric surgeon”. I’m sorry, although it sounds like a wonderful distinction to have, where I had surgery performed, they have that same designation. Of course, you don’t want John Doe slicing into you and such, but “designated center of excellence” means not a darn thing to me. I’ve known highly respected bariatric surgeons who are highly skilled and know what they’re doing who have operated without this little award. Sure, sounds better, that it does, but I have MY OWN criteria for “center of excellence”. And you had best meet that or I will walk right out the door. Believe me, I have walked right out the door before because the surgeon I was speaking with did not have the same level of faith and courage and dedication as I did. I’m the patient, and I expect you to be on the same level playing field as me, and I don’t care who you are. If you can’t come close to that field, then I have no use for you. As I have screamed at one doctor before, “Death is NOT on my agenda for today. You had best figure out something else, and do it now.”

This site also shows medical statistics when it comes to complications or failures. Here’s where I draw a line in the sand and say “no fair, no fair, skewed here, ahem”. Their specific band rates and failures matched to that of the regular lap-band? Um, news flash, this is a fairly new and improved version of the same product but with a little extra nerd support thrown in. So those lap-band rates are going to look worse because well, regular lap band has been done longer than silicone band meets geek. I suppose, if you really wanted to make your product look super good, compare it to statistics to RNY. No, better yet, mini-lap RNY weirdness. Better yet, compare it to VBG. Google up some of that, and get scared. To me, it smells of a ploy to say yes, our product is better, but hey, we have not had the same time on the books as other types of bariatric surgery so of course we’re going to smell of sweet petunias.

Even better, I like how these surgeons have gone through the Restore band training, and have done at least 125 bariatric procedures and 50 cases in the last 12 months. Okay, nice you went through the Restore band training. We like that…sure we do. But of those 125 bariatric procedures, how many of those were actual Restore bands? hmmm. I’m not necessarily complaining here, but what I am saying is that many bariatric surgeons don’t do just one type of surgery. They do a few different types of surgeries. Okay, math speaking, 50 cases in the last 12 months isn’t too bad, as some bariatric surgeons used to double as general surgeon types. (This is a good thing. You want your surgeon to know anatomy and physiology and know what the heck they’re doing in any situation in the OR.) One word of thought though, of those 50 cases, how many of them were successful? Think about that one. Were they all lap-band type surgeries?

Now here’s what I think is good about this restore band. The site is interactive, and you can put in your dimensions and such and the surgeon can view them as well. Oh sure, fudge away on those numbers all you want, and you’re entitled to that, but guess what? You show up at the surgeon’s office for that fill, hmm, one cannot lie to the surgeon and the surgeon who is looking straight at you and the scale. Many have tried, oh even sure I have tried, but you cannot pull wool over their eyes. Think of it like a mix of surgeon meets Columbo. Wait, you said this here, but um, I’m seeing something else. I’ll take you one further. Have the pleasure of sitting with me in a room and thinking you’re free to drop about how you’re two-three months out and eat all the pizza and ice cream that you want. Speak to oh yes, I eat marshmallows and oh boy, I just LOVE drinking regular coke. Yum yum! Think that rabid Cujo whip my head around and start preaching fire and brimstone style about accountability and responsibility. You’ll love your surgeon much more than you will me. And it starts with, “Wait, excuse me, you just had ginzu knife action to lose weight and you’re sabotaging it straight away? Oh hell no!”

Enough. Seriously, enough. But you think about that decision to enter the weight loss surgery arena, and you think about all the ramifications of it. You think about all the modifications you’re going to have to make to your life, your daily routine, and the impact it’s going to have to those who are in your closest circle. And don’t think it for say, gee, one or two years. Think about it as it may affect you for the rest of your life. Because it just may, and it just will.