hannie’s spot. all hannie.

sure you did. sure.

I see these types of ads everywhere I go online, and sometimes, even on late night television. I don’t know, is it better than a gastric bypass? Here’s my thought on this.

If you’re a usual regular human person, optimum weight loss should be 1-3 lbs per week, so that amounts to what, 12 lbs per month if that? That’s doing it right, using portion control, eating the right things and adding exercise to the equasion. Oh how I wish I knew and embraced this before I ballooned right up to 417 and decided to go the gastric bypass route. But I know it now, and I’m passing that right along to you. Because I’m eight years out, post gastric bypass, I pretty much follow this rule because the “honeymoon” phase (commonly known as months 1-6 after gastric bypass, where you drop insane amounts of weight because one, you’re malabsorbing like crazy, two, your digestive system has been permanently rerouted and three, refers to two really because you have less real estate to pack in the food.) I do not drop the pounds like anyone in the honeymoon phase anymore. And my gastric bypass is messed up, in that if I so chose, I could get that 417 lbs right back where it came from.

Pretty much, what above ad is trying to sell you is either some sort of magic drink, potion, pills to make you drop weight, or rather, make you believe it can happen. Just ingest our little formula, sit on your butt, and watch it all just melt away….just like I saw in a recent Doctor Who episode. However, that Doctor Who episode had horrible results, scary in fact, and keep that in mind when you’re being tempted by these ads. Most pills, potions, concoctions if you will have one or more of the following. One, a herbal fat blocker that will and can make you spend much time on the toilet. Think of the same thing that would happen if you ingested way too much sugar substitute ending in “ol”. Yep, that’s right, a nice laxative effect where you may as well just live on the toilet for a bit. Not worth it, seriously.

Two, something in that formulation may also contain something that “expands” internally and gives you the idea that you’re fuller faster. Maybe. Because, if you’re already eating too much, this idea isn’t going to work because well, you’re going to eat just as much and oooh, how uncomfortable is that going to be and then, self defeating behavior is still at work. Not worth the time, trouble, money and pain if you ask me.

Three, same formulation may have some sort of “speed” to it. By that, it’s increasing your heart rate, not necessarily your metabolism but your heart rate. I don’t know, but that lovely pounding like your heart is literally going to come jumping out of your chest does not sound appealing to me in the least.

Four, again, that formulation might contain something that could cause damage to you later on down the road. Let’s use “phen-fen” as an example. Everyone called it the “wonder drug” and ooh, great idea to lose the extra weight. Now, it’s pretty much verboten because it was causing all sorts of havoc later on down the road, and, I’ll take you one further and let you know that if you’ve ever taken it, and you’re in the “testing” phase of waiting for a gastric bypass, you automatically are slated to have an EKG added to that laundry list of tests. Scary? Yes, scary.

“So miss hannie,” you’re asking, “since you’ve just said that pills are NOT the answer, and you’re not exactly up there rah rahing the gastric bypass what would YOU recommend?” Here we go.

First part takes a bit of mental thought on your part, and it takes quite a bit of honesty, accountability and responsibility. Sit down and think about why you’re eating and what you’re eating. One of my biggest downfalls was “emotional eating”. I ate if I was happy, I ate if I was sad, I ate if I thought I was having a PMS moment, I ate if I was angry. Did you see anywhere where I said I ate because I was truly hungry and hadn’t eaten a thing previous? No. You didn’t. For me, this realization came after I had my surgery, and I identified it and fought like all get out to make it less destructive in my life. In fact, I still fight it to this day, and I speak to it most any time when asked because I think it’s pretty high up there on WHY people gain the weight that they do.

What are you eating? I have sat in many a weight loss surgery support group meeting where pre and post op patients both were stating they were eating sugar, carbs, pizza, ice cream….all crap that tastes great, costs less, but can and will cost more to you because they can and will sabotage just what you’re doing in an effort to lose weight. I’ll be completely honest with you and say yes, now and again I do have the aforementioned. But you know what happens to me when I do? I pay for it, and pay for it in a bad way. I get absolutely barely moving or coherent sick for about 1-3 hours. I’ve just efficiently wasted 1-3 hours in which I could have been doing something constructive and beneficial because I thought I could eat things that just well, are not good for me. No time for that, nope, no time. There’s so much I need to do and accomplish, and a nice episode of dumping is not on my agenda for any time or any day (well, unless I’m on a bad date and need a quick way out the door, but that doesn’t happen so YAY, good for me.) Revamp that diet to get the baddies out of sight and out of mind, and add more proteins and vegetables and maybe some fruits as well. If you’re feeling the need for breads and pastas and rice, know that anything white is not going to be good. Yes, they *do* taste better than the alternative, but there’s much more alternatives out there for you to choose from. Work at it until you find an alternative you like. If all else fails, go get into the spice cabinet and give that a whirl until you find a good combination that you like that makes the alternative taste palatable.

Portion control….and this is another big key to the picture. Ever stepped foot into a mexican restaurant? No, I am not talking Taco Bell or Taco Time. I am talking REAL mexican sit down and have that meal restaurant. They use HUGE plates that take up a ton of space on the table. For me, I can take said plate and make at least 3-4 meals out of it, and this can be said for a few restaurants. (However, drop here for all weight loss surgery patients. Those stupid cards they hand you that say “yes, I had weight loss surgery and give me smaller portions” to use at restaurants don’t always work and many places won’t honor them and don’t care…then, in flashing said card, you get a litany of questions and opinion. Don’t bother. Either ask for a “to-go” box and split that meal up before you take a bite, or, if you’re in a region that has a Shari’s restaurant, know you can order from the kids menu without that ten miles of questioning but you get to pay a dollar more. A dollar more for a portion that I know will work for me, and no spanish inquisition? +10 to Shari’s restaurants, and I wish that more restaurant chains would either honor or do this.)

Start reading labels and doing research a bit, and see what an actual “portion” is considered for whatever you’re eating, and start doing that. Actual portion, not what you’re guestimating is your portion. This comes down to the old adage of “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach”. Completely true.

Exercise is going to be my last biggie here. Yes, we all dread it, hate it, despise it, but it’s the only way that weight is going to come off and like coming off. Find a chart that shows a comparison of calories burned during different activities, and if you’re really inclined mathematically, do the math between your calories consumed to whichever activity you like the best and see where you are. Yes, this does require math, and yes, it’s not even one of my better subjects, but it gives you a clear idea of where you can improve and drop more weight. Do not rely on a pill alone to make it happen. And here’s a couple more that you should not rely on. Alcoholic beverages swished down with said pill and just plopping on your butt watching sports on the tv all day is not going to do it, and smearing your body with preparation H then wrapping in saran wrap is not going to do it either. No, I have not done these personally, but I have been party to watching this being done. Said person was still not losing weight in either instance, and the second one was rather horrid smelling. We wanted to kick him out of the house and make him sleep in a tent in fact. Yuk. Trust me when I say it is a bad bad smell.

These ads are horrid. Don’t rely on them to make your weight loss dream come true.

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