hannie’s spot. all hannie.

Or at least it will come about 2 am or so.  I will really bring a point to this blog entry, I will, but for all of you who are/were “old skool RNY patients” (you DO NOT qualify unless your RNY was 2002 or earlier, the rest of you can sit down and learn a most valuable lesson here), how many of you remember the promises of GERD gone forever, no more acid reflux, it will be a thing of your past never to return?  Raise your hand up good and high, because many of us were told this, even back in “we don’t really have any supporting research but we’ll tell you this because truly, this surgery is a way to salvation to end all of your weight and health problems.”  You think I lie?  I can post this entry on many post-op lists and most every single one of them can post back and say, “Yes, Johanna, we were told this too.  We were sold this bag of goods.”  Worse yet, they will read my story and I can bet good money that nine of ten who do will not only identify with what I’m saying here, but they will say, “Oh man, I thought this only happened to me, and you’re saying it happened to you too and there’s more out there like you?”  Yes, I am.  And I’m telling you this story because the further out you get, the more you’re going to discover that laundry list of health issues were gone forever miraculously will come back and straight up bite you in the butt.  It’s not fun, it’s not pretty, in fact, in some cases it’s worse than before you made the decision to have surgery, but it can and will happen.  Don’t say for a moment that I didn’t warn you, not once.  It’s your call in the end, truly it is, but be warned now of what can happen later on down the road.

Maybe three or four years ago, I received a rather disturbing email from a surgery sister of mine.  Truly she is, she had her same surgery (promixal open-RNY) done a year before me with the same exact surgeon.  She was the one who sat and held my hand while I cried out of pain and fear during a few surgeries that were life saving ones, in fact, she was the one who begged me to come to the ER which very well DID save my life.  My husband should have been the one making those judgment calls, he should have been the one holding my hand, wiping my tears, and at the very least, attempting to make me feel somewhat better about the diagnosis handed me, and the emergency trips to the OR to save my life.  But he was too busy not answering his phone, deciding that everyone and anyone was much more important than me and my life, and again, let this be a driving lesson in, if you’re going to make a life altering decision as wls….you make darn sure that your relationships are those in which they truly are for better or for worse, and every member of your support team is there with you through the good and the bad, no questions asked.  Because it’s a decision that you simply cannot do, and do with even a hint of success on your own, you need that support there.  Don’t settle for “half ass” support, and DO NOT settle for those who will be there for you when it’s convienient for them.  This simply does not work.  Friends and family who are only partially there for you will never lead you to success and don’t even waste your time trying to change them, because it’s not worth your time and trouble, and you should never have to change true friends and family.  You should be loving them, just as they love you, irregardless of life’s little imperfections, and again, through the good as well as the bad.  Any different, lose them like yesterday.  They’re simply not worth your time.

Let’s get back to that email shall we?  My friend described this awful horrible thing that would occur while she was sleeping.  She would awaken from a deep sleep choking and gagging on a large amount of stomach acid, and it hurt and was painful and it scared her, as well it should.  Because, as you recall, any RNY basically takes the stomach right out of the equasion to a point.  There’s a second section where the stomach is attached to the configuration, but it’s further on down the road than say, your normal average human with a regular digestive system.  (Currently, at Madigan with this surgery, they remove the stomach.  I don’t know if this is a new trend, but I’m thinking it should be taken into consideration once I tell you this gem of a story)

Back to this gagging and choking on stomach acid thing.  So she’s describing it, and the feeling of it burning and choking not only your esophagus but your nose as well, and it’s just horrid.  What is it?  What’s causing it?  And how can it be solved or taken care of or what is it that you can really do about this?  Guess what?  She has no health insurance, so she cannot afford the money involved to see the doctor and have the necessary tests ran to figure out this great medical mystery.  But a few days later after I received this email, I had the same exact thing happen, or pretty much.  I was asleep, and I woke up gagging and choking, and it was a horrible burning sensation…that tasted pretty much like vomit.  And it was going up and coming out my nose, and I was spitting it up and coughing and it burned so so bad.  So I run for my Pepsid Complete, and one tablet, chewed chewed chewed seemed to do the trick.  I had an opportunity to go to the doctor, but she was unfamiliar with the workings of a RNY, and seemed to think that prilosec would do the trick.  News flash, give me all the prilosec you want in the world, but it doesn’t help a thing.  It still happens, it still occurs, and why I am telling you this story is that it gets worse, progressively worse, and I feel as if there is not a thing I can do about it.

Last night, I finally am asleep.  I’ve dealt with surgery pain for a good month now, and I’m finally warm and fairly comfortable, and I’m sleeping well.  I will add that I was sitting up in the recliner, which perhaps was the one thing that saved me from what could have been an even worse episode.  I wake up, and I am choking and it’s burning and painful as can be, not only from the stomach acid flying everywhere, but from the surgical site that’s healing.  Literally, I can’t move because I am doubled over in pain, and oh man, what am I going to do?  I rush to the kitchen despite the pain because I know there is some Pepsid complete out there.  Chew chew chew the first one.  Nothing happens.  I’m still choking and feeling the burning but now it’s just mixed with some nasty tasting berry chalk crap.  Time for tablet two.  I don’t care anymore, this has to stop somehow.  Chew chew chew.  Nope, no relief and it’s perhaps gotten worse.  Oh, someone has to have some Tums around here somewhere.  I come across a bottle of tropical Tums extra strength, and I grab a few of those and start chewing away.  After about four or five of those, life starts to return to normal again, but oh what a nasty feeling and even scarier, I’ve just inhaled enough stomach preparations that should have killed it off the first time around, but didn’t.  Just how much worse is this, or does this, have the ability to get or be?  I don’t know, but I’m sure going to bring it up to my surgeon.  I’ve made it my life’s mission to teach him and teach him well about wls patients, and what he’ll encounter along the way once he leaves the Navy and jumps into bariatric practice.  (Let’s not sell ourselves short or lie about it, bariatric surgery is where its at these days as far as qualified surgeons go.  If I was a surgeon, I would sure contemplate it just for the large amounts of mad cash I could be making as a result of being in that field.  However, as a patient, and a pretty knowledgeable one at that, I’d think twice about what my practice would comprise of and how I could better help my potential patients succeed, not only from the aspect of “slice and dice”, but aftercare and support and knowledge that would pretty much ensure success all the way around, and should any of those patients need psychological help, and trust me, they do….I’d make darn sure that I had on board specific psychiatrists and therapists who deal closely with weight issues, and start writing out referrrals left and right.  Oh you bet I would.  Last but not least, I’d tell the rah rah crowd of 1-2 year post ops to count their blessings and use the time that they have problematic and symptomatic free to get a good diet and exercise and vitamin/mineral/supplement plan on board…and that everything that someone further out presents in a support group should NOT be so summarily dismissed, that it should be at least given some consideration, because you know what, that could be YOU later on down the road.  I don’t know, maybe I should start going to medical school now.)  I could have a heck of a program, I would think.  But in the meanwhile because seriously, I’m about done with hospitals, I try to teach, educate, share my story with others so that you can learn and know what life may hold for you should you decide on weight loss surgery.  It’s not an instant fix, it’s not a bed of roses, not by a long shot.

It’s been hard this last time around to recover after the latest episode of choking on stomach acid.  I’m still in some pain, I have to question eating and drinking decisions, and I’ve had to decline some invitations to hang out with friends this weekend, which really disappoints me.  But the thing is, the pain, the having to be really picky and choosy on what I decide to eat in fear of waking up again at 2 am like I did last night, it scares me and I don’t want friends to have to be fearful for me as well, or watching what I’m eating and wondering if it’s a good choice or not.  Oh what the hell, they do anyways and regardless, because they’re the best people in my life, they truly are.  My family is the same way in that respect, in that they yes, sit through good and bad, and they question as to what will work well for me digestive wise and what won’t.  I’m lucky to have that sort of support and love now, I am.  Too bad I couldn’t have married like that, but you know, crap happens.  Once you have surgery, totally true, you find out who’s truly with you on the trainride and who’s not.

In the end, don’t say I didn’t tell you, or I didn’t warn you of this.  I write so that you know the truth, and you know how it really is.  You simply cannot glean this from either a 30 second commercial, or an hour with a support group.  This is years and years of knowledge, and I tell you because you need to know it’s not an easy decision, and it is by no means or no stretch of the imagination, an easy ride.  There’s days, such like today, that I really question if I can stand back up and even have or maintain any semblance of social situations, or fun with friends.  I get days like this, I do.  But it’s okay because it’s those same friends who always come right out and say, “Johanna, oh yes you can, and yes you will,” and I bounce back and go on.  And that’s how you should be as well.