hannie’s spot. all hannie.

Well, surgery went pretty well.  It was originally slated for at least 8 hours, but cut down to 2-3 because of the use of a stapler instead of sutures.  Now, there are some who would argue and say, oh but a staple line is so gross, and sutures look so much more pretty and such, but I’d rather take a staple line and a few hours shaved off that surgery.  When you’ve had as much surgery as I have, it’s not about cosmetic anymore.  And that’s something that gets me about weight loss surgery.  You’re lucky enough to have that surgery, and in some cases, make it through said surgery, but you’d be surprised how 2-3 years later, it’s not good enough.  I’ve seen women (mostly women, I don’t think that men are as vain about things, and I’ve never heard this complaint come from a male weight loss surgery patient, but if you fall under that category and you’d like to add to this thought, please go ahead.) talk about how they “need” that breast lift or breast job, or they need a tummy tuck, or they need a leg or arm lift because oh yes, they lost the weight, but look at that sagging skin and it’s just so horrible and oh they deserve this.  You deserve to lose weight, that you do.  And if you have, congrats to you and know that we’re all proud.  But to go and make the assumption that you’re “carte blanche” for that free plastic surgery because you lost weight, no, I’m here to say that isn’t always the case and you should never assume that if you do decide that weight loss surgery is the route to go.  Another popular rumor I’m going to dispel right here right now is that by giving yourself up to plastic surgery you’re going to be helpful and donate all your extra skin to burn centers and isn’t that great?  Actually, you’re not donating a thing.  Most burn centers will not take excess skin from a wls patient.  They need skin that has elasticity to it, and, once tipping the scales at (insert enormous weight here) to (insert semi-normal weight here) yes, produces lots of excess skin on your part, but that skin has long ago lost any sort of elasticity to it.  Go ahead and call it useless, because that’s what it is.  So it’s not useful to any burn centers or anything of the like, because well, it wouldn’t help anyone else.  This information I gleaned from one of the biggest and best burn centers in San Antonio, no wait, one of the best in the country, so, know that I speak the truth here.

The “assumption” that you’re a prime candidate for plastic surgery only comes with well, a hefty price tag and/or lots of medical documentation stating that the surgery itself would help you in the long run.  My tummy tuck was documented as being medically necessary only after pages and pages of painful skin rash in the “apron” area, and the excess weight of that skin causing pain and damage to my back.  In all, almost 10 lbs was removed from me when said tummy tuck was done, and afterwards I ended up with a staph infection that got me another week in the hospital and darn near killed me.  Again, I’m not your norm, I just happen to be at the losing end of most surgeries medically.  Realistically though, these are all things you should look at and be aware of when considering such surgery.  I would say that, and pain control, and recovery time and how *you* need to be proactive in your approach to recovery.  The last part is super important, because it’s the difference between that surgery time being a success or not. 

Right now, I’m on a nice host of painkillers, I hurt like all get out, and I don’t sleep so well.  This is so because my body, now with nice new abdominal wall created by mesh, is producing scar tissue that is highly painful and in all the wrong places to be (against new wall, and potentially could be a hazard to the RNY that I still have).  I’m expected to rub down these areas daily, even twice daily, no matter how much it hurts, so that the scar tissue doesn’t become large lumps of permanent yuk that hurts me.  This is what I mean by proactive.  Surgeons do their job, and you’re expected to hold up your end of the deal, and it’s really for your health and well being more than anything else.  I’m also expected to wear abdominal binders 24 hours a day for a few months, and I’m also on a full lift restriction, and this is all to ensure that I heal correctly, and that I’m not going to be back in the operating theater come this time next year.  I’m really truly sick of hospitals and I’ve spent way too much time in them, so you bet I am going to do everything possible to make sure that I’m not there again next year for more surgery.

Back to that plastic surgery thought though.  Oh, I would be totally remiss if I didn’t say I’d like a magic airbrush of some sort to get rid of the dog ears (lumps on either hip left over from tummy tuck in 2003) or that I’d like an arm lift to get rid of the bat wings, or leg lifts to get rid of the sharpei thighs, and yes, even a breast lift to bring the boobs back to this hemisphere.  I think the first thing that people should realize is that hey, even with a 100 or so lb loss, you’re not going to be perfect and you shouldn’t expect it.  Sure, we’d like it to happen, and be wafer thin like Paris Hilton or something, but realistically, it’s not going to happen.  In my case, asking for all the aforementioned plastic surgeries is like one, asking for a major miracle and two, asking for a death sentence.  I say major miracle in that, I have tons of excess skin all over the place.  I say death sentence, in that those same large amounts of hanging skin, well, in order for it to be removed, there would be major scars involved, from armpit to elbow, and then from crotch to knee and we’re talking both arms, both legs.  That’s a large amount of real estate and a major opportunity for infection to set in and break skin down and well, make me worse than before if not dead.  (I also have an allergic reaction to a long list of antibiotics too which doesn’t help matters any).  Sure, the extra hanging skin doesn’t make me look like poster girl for anything, but my thought is, if you can’t appreciate me for the battles I’ve been through and look past the aforementioned to see I’m actually a pretty interesting person, then you’re not really worth my time.  If we all took more time to appreciate one another for who we are, as opposed to what we look like, I think the world would be a much nicer place in which to live in.

So how has life been post surgery?  Extremely painful.  It hurts to cough, it hurts when I get nauseated and want to throw up but can’t.  It’s nice to see my toes again without having to work at it, but the idea that my parts are all back where they should be after a year of being all over the place?  Mighty painful.  I wanted to do more for my favorite political candidates and such, and I honestly feel as if I have let down not only my party, but my people I dearly love and endorse.  When you live with pain and nausea as an everyday ongoing issue, it’s harder to get motivated to do much of anything, and that disappoints me.  I get frustrated because I honestly haven’t had time to take care of me, because my parents are very demanding of me and my time and don’t think twice about the ramifications involved…in that I’m not getting the sleep I need, I’m not getting the silence I need.  I still have weekly checkups with the surgeon, and he hasn’t cleared me to do too much.  I can’t say that I blame him really, because he honestly worked miracles to put me back together and make me look like a somewhat normal human again.  That’s the greatest gift right there, if I could put it into words, the idea that I can and will lead a somewhat normal life again, which is what I had asked for in the first place, or the idea I was sold on in having the original surgery.  The idea that I knew my life was spiraling out of control, and most importantly my health, and the thought that because of my size, my weight, I didn’t have many options left open to me anymore so I thought that surgery would help me, surgery would solve the problems.  If anything, that surgery has given me more problems than anything else, but looking at the positive side of it, I did gain weight, but lost it back all over again when people said I couldn’t.  I’ve done and accomplished so much, and with so much other surgeries, and it’s been a long and rough road at times, but I did it.  And if I could, would I make the same decisions again?  That changes from time to time, because I lost so much, not only weight, which is good of course, but emotionally I lost…time I lost…*sigh*   More importantly though, I still have the friends and family who stood by me no matter what, and that’s perhaps what I’m most grateful for.  And for all those I can help out or give support to, just as I have been given over the years, oh you bet I’m there for that.  Sure, there are some who would argue and say that I’m not a good source of information and support because well, my original gastric bypass failed, and well, I had surgery so long ago, whatever would I know now?  (And, as the years go by, this is something that any wls patient will encounter…those who are either pre-op or fresh post-op who discount and discredit everything you have to say and every experience you learned from.  My thought on this, don’t let those people dissuade you from helping or supporting others.  Even my surgeon will keep telling me repeatedly to keep speaking out, keep telling my story until I’m blue in the face because somewhere along the line, I’m going to make that difference to someone, and I’m going to be able to give back every drop of love and support I’ve received along the way.) 

Last but not least, my regular doctor does say that my bloodwork is looking pretty good but that my iron, even after the infusion, could use a little help.  So, back to the drawing board and keep swallowing the vitamins and supplements.  Because just like Barack Obama himself, yes we can!